even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
