he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Someone came in the potted fern
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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