so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize