Me too!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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