i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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