So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
