Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
