Ambien. No doubt about it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
