Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize