I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
