New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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