You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My pussy is not your playground.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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