Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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