I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
