My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
