I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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