She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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