About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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