I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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