I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
