david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
