He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
