Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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