Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
