he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize