now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
