real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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