How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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