well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
