I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
