she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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