remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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