The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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