How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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