why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
