i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
