As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
