You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
