so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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