a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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