Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
