i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
