thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
