saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh god it's open bar.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
