so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
