I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
