I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
