Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All I want is dick and wine.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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