Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Floor bacon is actually really good
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
