You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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