I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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