SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
