i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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