just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
