I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize