your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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