Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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