she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
