so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
