i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
