sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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