i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
