Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
