Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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