my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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