He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
