You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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