Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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