remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
