Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
