You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
