Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
