i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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