so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
