I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
