She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize