I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
