Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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