I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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