Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize