i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
