I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
