we have officially mastered the walk of shame
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
