So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
