That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
