I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
