I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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