he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
