New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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