haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
