So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
