If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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