Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
nutella sex= disaster
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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