yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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