some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
