i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize