At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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