worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
