my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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