you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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