I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
