i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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