Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
