Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize